1
00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:03,659
Ha, ha! You guys
are going to love

2
00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:06,182
this seafood gumbo.
Patient of mine is a chef.

3
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:08,227
He's been going
through a bad divorce,

4
00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:11,402
but in-between sobs, I made
him write down the ingredients.

5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:13,620
Smells delicious.

6
00:00:13,709 --> 00:00:15,489
Maybe I can impress
Camille with it.

7
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:16,670
Can I have the recipe?

8
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,275
Not without a court order.

9
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:21,016
This is a pot full of
doctor-patient privilege.

10
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:25,716
Well, when do we get to taste
this chef-tacular meal, ma?

11
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,718
Yeah, I'm ready
to get my grub on.

12
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:31,340
Hey, I am not over here
popping out "hungry man" dinners.

13
00:00:31,422 --> 00:00:33,382
What's a "hungry man" dinner?

14
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,298
It's something you
have on Christmas

15
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,563
when your dad's
with his other family.

16
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:39,599
Walked right into that one.

17
00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:40,821
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

18
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:42,740
[Theme song]

19
00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:47,955
♪ through this
journey of discovery ♪

20
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:52,098
♪ you're finding
you, I'm finding me ♪

21
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:55,322
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

22
00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:57,543
♪ who brings out the joy ♪

23
00:00:57,622 --> 00:01:02,022
♪ brings out the joy ♪
♪ inside of me ♪

24
00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:04,055
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

25
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,591
♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

26
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:10,065
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

27
00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:11,807
♪ you and me ♪

28
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:14,597
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

29
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:17,363
Captioning made possible by eye
productions, CBS productions, and upn

30
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:20,905
this game's a lot more fun
now that Dee Dee's gone.

31
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:23,263
Yeah. Who's she kidding
with her made-up words

32
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,744
like quagmire and paroxysm?

33
00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:29,183
So, Spencer, sounds like
you and Camille are serious.

34
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:31,133
She got any man
friends for Mona?

35
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,531
We're working on it.
We don't want Mona

36
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,965
to be alone for the
rest of her life, either.

37
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:39,361
Hello? Mona has
ears and feelings.

38
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:40,837
[Knock on door]

39
00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:43,056
And ovaries that
aren't getting younger.

40
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,887
Good evening. I'm Ron brown.

41
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,678
I'm here to offer a brighter
future for San Francisco.

42
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,113
We don't want one.

43
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:55,380
Ma!

44
00:01:57,682 --> 00:01:59,602
Allow me to begin
again. I'm running

45
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:02,514
for county board of
supervisors and I'd like your vote.

46
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:05,560
And yours. Oh, and yours.

47
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,387
[Giggles]

48
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,653
"Clean up the town
with Ron brown."

49
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:13,739
Mmm! You're a democrat and cute!

50
00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,179
Come on in and tell me more.

51
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:16,695
My mission is to gain...

52
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:18,958
Good, good. So, are you single?

53
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:20,621
Oh, god, she's doing it again!

54
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:23,005
Do you have children?
Are you making any kind

55
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:25,279
of payments to women
on a monthly basis?

56
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,322
I'm not a husband or a father

57
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:30,188
and the only woman I have
financial ties to is my mother.

58
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:31,890
I manage her portfolio.

59
00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:34,547
You need to know all
this before I get your vote?

60
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,372
No, I need to
know all this before

61
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,770
you date my daughter.
Then you get my vote.

62
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,734
Man, am I glad I found Camille.

63
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:44,083
I do not miss feeling
alone and desperate.

64
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,994
Let me remind you
what it feels like.

65
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:47,648
Aah!

66
00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:49,652
Mona, get in here
and meet Ron brown.

67
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,914
He's a politician
who's free Friday night.

68
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:55,737
Ron brown? I got your
potholder in the mail, man.

69
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:58,267
It works good. Hey,
you got my vote.

70
00:02:58,352 --> 00:03:01,222
And if you run for re-election,
I could use a can opener.

71
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,271
I was thinking Fanny packs,

72
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,007
but I'll talk to my people.

73
00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:06,877
That's what I'm talkin' about.

74
00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:09,839
Here's a single voter who also
happens to be free on Friday.

75
00:03:09,928 --> 00:03:11,098
Hi, Mona.

76
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,321
I have to apologize for my mom.

77
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,980
Why don't you apologize
over dinner on Friday?

78
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:19,545
I don't think she's going
to let up till we go out.

79
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:21,204
Say... friday?

80
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,288
I have to check my calendar.

81
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:24,897
I checked it. You're free.

82
00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:27,117
You just got yourself 3 votes.

83
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,767
If my cats could vote,
you'd have had 7.

84
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:32,081
Look at these adorable booties.

85
00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:33,778
I got 6 in every color.

86
00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,475
That's a lot of booties.

87
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,743
2 for the baby, 4 for coco.

88
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:42,477
I don't want my precious to feel
left out when the baby comes.

89
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,440
[Knock on door]

90
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:47,878
Hey, Dee dees.
Listen, I got a date.

91
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,526
Now, does this skirt say
conservative working girl

92
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,281
or just working girl?

93
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,502
Hello? Did you hear me?

94
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,064
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

95
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:00,540
I couldn't get past
the "I got a date" part.

96
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:05,107
My mom fixed me up,
but I do have a date.

97
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,031
Hey, my mom fixed me up, too,

98
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,416
with this guy I haven't
seen since I was a kid.

99
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:11,250
We were in Jack
and Jill together.

100
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,468
That's a club for
African-American children

101
00:04:13,557 --> 00:04:17,207
of a certain social standing,
and by "certain", I mean "rich."

102
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,480
My mom calls it daycare
for the hoity-toity negroidy.

103
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:25,003
Anyway, all us jills
had a crush on this guy.

104
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:27,570
I never got up the
courage to say hi.

105
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:30,308
My guy has a vision for
a brighter San Francisco

106
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,710
and he gave me a button
with his picture on it.

107
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:35,884
Oh, my god! That's
my guy, Ron brown!

108
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,361
My guy is your guy?

109
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,281
We can't both date the same guy.

110
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,716
I don't even like
sharing a salad with you.

111
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:43,763
Isn't this an interesting
coincidence?

112
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,628
But it would be
foolish to walk away

113
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,680
from such an eligible
and handsome man.

114
00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:48,895
I don't know, mom.

115
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:50,384
You're not the first sisters

116
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:51,734
to face this dilemma.

117
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:55,947
The time... 1978. The
place... the disco hut.

118
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,564
Ohh.ohh.

119
00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:59,645
Vivian and I both had
our eye on Wayne.

120
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,784
He was the Travolta of Tucson.

121
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:04,166
Between the two of us,
we boogie-oogie-oogied

122
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,830
that boy right into traction.

123
00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:10,922
Mom, the point, please?

124
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,616
The point is, dating
the same man

125
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,403
didn't jeopardize
our relationship.

126
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:16,268
My stealing a man
from Vivian did.

127
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,799
But that was years
later. Her fault!

128
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:20,623
And not relevant
to this parable.

129
00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:23,541
What is important is that
Ron is a wonderful man

130
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,887
and there's no
harm in playing it out.

131
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:27,407
It just feels kind of icky.

132
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:30,031
Yeah, like white
trash, but black.

133
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:33,118
All I'm saying is you
should keep an open mind.

134
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:36,642
I mean, odds are if he likes
Dee Dee, he won't like you.

135
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:39,557
And if he likes your sister,
well, we really don't need

136
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:41,343
to go down that road now, do we?

137
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,428
[Theme song]

138
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,824
Mona! Where have you
been? Ron brown just called.

139
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:49,221
He wants to know if
we're still on for tonight.

140
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:50,565
Really? He called?

141
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,054
I called him. But he still

142
00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:53,444
wants to know if we're on.

143
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,307
Well, he knows
we're on, I told him.

144
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,838
The point is, Ron
brown was on the phone.

145
00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:00,532
Ma, I can't believe
you called him.

146
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:04,491
Yeah, Mona and I aren't really
comfortable seeing the same guy.

147
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:07,371
Well, clearly you ladies
don't read usa today.

148
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,154
Here's what it
said in a nutshell:

149
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:11,198
"There ain't no more men."

150
00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:14,073
Opportunities like this
don't come around every day.

151
00:06:14,765 --> 00:06:17,245
Well, Dee Dee, if both
our moms feel this way

152
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,123
maybe we are missing something.

153
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:21,954
And it'd be nice to get
reacquainted with Ron.

154
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,433
Then we all agree.

155
00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:25,433
You know, I've always

156
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:27,425
regretted the time I
let a good man go.

157
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:29,737
Aww, not another
story about dad.

158
00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:31,394
I said a good man.

159
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:33,958
I could've been Mrs. Lou rawls.

160
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:35,215
[All] Ohh!

161
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,217
There I was, answering phones

162
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:39,529
at the united negro
college fund telethon,

163
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:41,616
he winked at me, and
you know what I did?

164
00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:44,135
I tell what I didn't
do... Lou rawls.

165
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,800
[Theme song]

166
00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:50,185
Ron's gonna be here
any minute and look at me!

167
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:52,369
My hair's frizzy, my
make-up's uneven,

168
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,195
and how did this
dress get so small?

169
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:56,983
He's never gonna like me!

170
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:59,848
Will you stop that loser
talk? I did not raise a loser.

171
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:02,991
I raised a beautiful girl who's
got everything Dee Dee has,

172
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:05,254
minus that freak show
she calls a mother.

173
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,118
Yeah, glad I don't
have one of those.

174
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:10,300
That's right. So
get off the ropes.

175
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,206
You have the first
date advantage.

176
00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:15,221
Get out there and knock that
Dee Dee right out of the ring!

177
00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:18,444
Remember, he's a politician,
so don't mention you smoke pot.

178
00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,266
I don't smoke pot!

179
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:23,663
What about that night
you came soaking wet,

180
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:27,397
ate 2 whole jars of jif, and couldn't
stop about the delicious tap water?

181
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:31,800
I was pushed in a pool,
I hadn't eaten all day,

182
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:34,926
and I was 16 with a lazy
eye. I just wanted to fit in.

183
00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,463
Ok, let's focus.

184
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:40,164
Now, Ron went to Yale,
so no George Bush jokes.

185
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:42,852
He was on the debate team
so don't give him any lip.

186
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,680
And he played 4 varsity sports,

187
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,028
so remember, hockey's
the one with the ice.

188
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:49,205
No! Ohh!

189
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,254
You got all that
from his pamphlet?

190
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:55,390
Honey, I got a computer, a single
daughter, and time on my hands.

191
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,035
I googled the hell outta him.

192
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,962
You did research
for me? I'm touched.

193
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:04,135
Don't be. I did it so we can
beat those siddity Dee dees.

194
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,622
[Knock on door]

195
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:06,882
Ok, baby, showtime!

196
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:08,754
Get the... ooh!

197
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:11,316
[Theme song]

198
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,933
[Door opens] [Laughing]

199
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:16,665
Ma, what are you
still doing here?

200
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:20,107
I will ask the questions. You've
some explaining to do, young lady.

201
00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:22,105
When I tell you to
come home at 12:00,

202
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,977
I mean 12:00, not 10:30.
So how'd you mess it up?

203
00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:27,719
Actually, we had a nice time.

204
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,471
And, yes, I got
a good night kiss,

205
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,512
and he wants to see me again.

206
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,508
Yes! Ha! We're a hit!

207
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,340
That's practically 2 dates
before Dee Dee even has one!

208
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,038
Ma, ma... We don't know
what's going to happen.

209
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,517
I mean, after he goes out
with Dee Dee tomorrow,

210
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:43,218
he may end up liking her.

211
00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:44,865
Then don't give her any tips.

212
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,869
Don't worry. We
agreed we wouldn't talk

213
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,661
until after we
both had our dates.

214
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,565
I didn't agree to nothing.

215
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,920
You think it's too late
to call big Dee Dee?

216
00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:54,530
I'm sure she's asleep.

217
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:56,141
Perfect.

218
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:58,541
[Theme song]

219
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,975
I had a great time tonight.

220
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,932
You seemed so comfortable
around all those dignitaries.

221
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:08,501
Well, I did go to miss
Felicia's finishing school.

222
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:12,511
Then miss Felicia became
Mr. Felicia and the school closed.

223
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,725
That would explain
your firm handshake.

224
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:20,556
Mmm. Well, I can do
more than shake hands.

225
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:25,832
[Theme song]

226
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:28,053
[Quacking]

227
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,090
Aah! Oh, my god! You
scared me to death!

228
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,879
What are you doing in my tub?

229
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:35,363
My tub is being
resurfaced, and I must say,

230
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:38,674
the jets on the bottom
were worth the extra money.

231
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:41,192
So, tell me. How
did our date go?

232
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,705
Champagne and dinner
at the top of the Mark,

233
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:48,851
and an invitation to cocktails
next weekend with the senator.

234
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:51,846
Excellent. I'm sure that puts
us ahead of the competition.

235
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:53,239
You mean Mona?

236
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:55,601
Don't get chummy with the enemy.

237
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,342
"Team Dee Dee"
is in it to win it!

238
00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:58,552
Ooh, that's catchy.

239
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:02,693
Don't you think you're
getting a little carried away?

240
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,776
The only thing
getting carried away

241
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:07,345
is Phyllis on a specially-
reinforced stretcher.

242
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:10,352
Besides, local government
is just the first stop

243
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,435
on Ron brown's train
to the white house.

244
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,574
I mean, he's going
to need a first lady.

245
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:17,437
You will set fashion
trends for all of america,

246
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,439
and when I say you, I mean me.

247
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:22,101
[Theme song]

248
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,706
[Both chuckling]

249
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:26,707
Phyllis, that blouse
must be really well made.

250
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,800
It just holds up
year after year.

251
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:31,943
Ever notice when some
women are pregnant

252
00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:34,372
they look pregnant,
but others just look fat?

253
00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:36,589
If you look in the
mirror, you'll see.

254
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,769
Ah, well, the
burden of the fertile.

255
00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:40,595
By the way, after I give life,

256
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,693
I'll let you have my
maternity clothes.

257
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:45,602
You'll love the extra
room to jiggle around in.

258
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:50,173
I would love to stand here
and watch you retain water,

259
00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:53,258
but I brought Mona something
for her next date with Ron.

260
00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:55,518
Dee Dee's got another
date with him, too,

261
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:57,611
and if it's anything
like the two of us,

262
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,400
well, we know how this will end.

263
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,104
I'm not rolling over this time.

264
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:03,362
Maybe that was the
problem last time.

265
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:06,622
You know, that's the
beauty of having children.

266
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,799
We get to correct the
mistakes of the past.

267
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,445
My baby is getting Ron brown.

268
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,759
She can have what's
left after Dee's done.

269
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,406
Bring it on, big girl.

270
00:11:14,499 --> 00:11:16,549
[Theme song]

271
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,682
[Knock on door]

272
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:21,864
[Knock on door]

273
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,122
Hi!

274
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,684
[Door closes]

275
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:26,731
Just came over to say hi!

276
00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:30,254
Haven't talked
to you in a while.

277
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,691
Boy, your hair looks good.

278
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,518
Ok, so, do you like Ron or what?

279
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:37,962
Yeah, I like him. How about you?

280
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,515
I like him, too.

281
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:43,091
Whoa. Well, Ron and
I have a connection.

282
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,570
Ron and I have a
connection and a history.

283
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,621
My mama set me
up with him first.

284
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:51,007
Ok, here we go.

285
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:52,581
Spencer, what are you doing?

286
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:54,318
Removing weapons.

287
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:57,279
It's always the innocent
bystander who gets cut.

288
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,068
Nobody's getting cut.

289
00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:01,903
We are two mature women
having a mature discussion.

290
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:04,202
And I think the only
mature thing to do

291
00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:06,248
is for both of us
to stop seeing him.

292
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,774
Isn't there any other
mature thing we could do?

293
00:12:10,947 --> 00:12:13,987
Mona, we took a risk going
out with the same man,

294
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:15,781
and I don't care
what our moms say,

295
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:17,295
great guys will come and go,

296
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,348
but none is worth
losing a sister over.

297
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:20,914
Not true. If the rock walks

298
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,221
through that door,
you're dead to me.

299
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:27,488
Come on, Mona. Good-bye, Ron?

300
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:29,182
[Sighs]

301
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,669
Good-bye, Ron.

302
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,713
[Theme song]

303
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:38,714
[Laughing]

304
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:41,411
Maybe we should go
for ice cream more often.

305
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,669
[Giggles]

306
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:45,979
Oh, we will.

307
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:51,417
So, tell me more about
the life of a politician.

308
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:53,859
Well, basically,
everything's a compromise.

309
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,077
Take ice cream. I hate vanilla,

310
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:58,776
but I eat it because
it's non-controversial.

311
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:02,425
Then I guess you don't want
any of my caramel decadence?

312
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,780
Sounds scandalous.

313
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,441
[Giggles]

314
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,623
Whoa! Look over there!

315
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:15,454
A baby, a rich person, and
an old woman. I smell votes!

316
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,623
Good eye, Mona.
I'll be right back.

317
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,495
I can't believe you're out with
Ron brown behind Dee Dee's back!

318
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:23,023
Look, I know from experience.

319
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:25,196
You do not want to
cheat on a black woman.

320
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,892
They will cut the crotch
out of all your fubu.

321
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,553
Spencer, I really like this guy.

322
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,896
But you and Dee Dee
threw your buttons down.

323
00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:37,077
Well, I pinned mine
back on. See? See?

324
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,384
Don't get me wrong. I
understand the games

325
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,260
you confused single people play.

326
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:44,172
Before Camille, I was
forced to juggle women

327
00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:46,778
and keep all those
complicated lies straight, too.

328
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,649
One time, I had to fake a
Jamaican accent through dinner

329
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,611
[with accent] And dat's
not so easy to do, man.

330
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,141
You didn't make it
to dessert, did you?

331
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:58,321
Look, I'm weak, he's hot,

332
00:13:58,402 --> 00:13:59,972
and he's almost finished kissing

333
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,576
that big-headed baby,

334
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,756
so please take your
bad accent and go, go!

335
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,113
Ok, but when these
chickens come home to roost,

336
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:08,593
me don't want to be
around De henhouse.

337
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:10,937
[Theme song]

338
00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:14,904
No way. This is not happening.

339
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,594
It's not what you think.

340
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:19,211
Yes. You have on your
date shoes. You're on a date.

341
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:24,075
Listen, I thought dating
sisters was a bad idea,

342
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:27,737
but I took a poll in the office
and 75% were in favor of it.

343
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:31,093
Shame on you after we
threw down our buttons.

344
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:34,264
That reminds me. Mona, I need
to swing by the mission district

345
00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:37,181
to pass out a few buttons
before our date on Friday.

346
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,444
Your date.

347
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:41,790
Ron, would you
excuse us for a moment?

348
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,581
Ohh...

349
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:45,615
Look, I was gonna
break it off with him,

350
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,500
but I don't wanna.

351
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:51,536
Then there is only
one thing left to do.

352
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:52,629
Ronald...

353
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:56,851
My sister and I aren't
comfortable dating the same man,

354
00:14:56,939 --> 00:15:00,249
and since we can't decide, we
think you should pick one of us.

355
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:01,424
We do?

356
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:05,433
Ok. I pick Mona.

357
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:07,515
You do? You do?

358
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,818
You heard him, he said Mona.

359
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,959
[Giggles] That is
what you said, right?

360
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:14,912
Yes, it is. I'm sorry, Dee Dee.

361
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,651
I hope there are
no hard feelings.

362
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:19,481
Shh! Don't speak.

363
00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:22,398
There's nothing more to be said.

364
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:28,966
And you better not be checking
out my ass as I walk up the stairs!

365
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,759
[Theme song]

366
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,981
[Chuckles]

367
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:36,944
You know, mom,
this is the first time

368
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,893
I've actually been
dumped by a guy.

369
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:40,501
I'm not doing this again.

370
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:45,728
I remember the first time a man
was foolish enough to let me go.

371
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,774
I was an optimistic beauty,

372
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:50,299
pinned my hopes on a married
man who just cast me aside.

373
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,434
I then took up with
an Italian movie star

374
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:55,346
who didn't mind that I was
a prostitute with a heart...

375
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:02,478
Wait a minute. That wasn't me.

376
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,960
That was my character
from sweet charity.

377
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:09,315
Guess this is a first
for the both of us.

378
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:12,153
Damn that Ron brown
and his poor taste in women!

379
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:14,282
And the worst part
is, I have yet to face

380
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:17,504
the gloat monster who
lives under the stairs.

381
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,885
So, for you, this was
all about beating Phyllis?

382
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:22,981
Oh, of course not.

383
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:26,248
Maybe a smidge. Ok, I
was totally consumed.

384
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,075
Pass me the ice cream.

385
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,638
Look at us. This is so sad.

386
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:36,260
Alone, rejected, pigging out.

387
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:39,613
Oh, my god! We've
become Mona and Phyllis.

388
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:50,657
Then Dee Dee said,
"choose" and he said, "Mona."

389
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,708
That's me! And I said, "you do?"

390
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:55,104
And Dee Dee's face
kind of crumpled like this,

391
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,358
but I was all, "yay, it's us!"

392
00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:59,411
Ha ha ha! Ok,
tell it to me again,

393
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:00,886
just from the face crumbles.

394
00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:01,976
Mmm. Mmm.

395
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,114
Ha ha ha!

396
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:04,456
So, tell me about this cat.

397
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:05,935
What's he like to do for fun?

398
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,765
Um, go out with me.

399
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:11,293
Yeah, he likes
to go out with her.

400
00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:12,858
What do you like about him?

401
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,164
He picked me over Dee Dee.

402
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:17,431
Yeah. He picked her
over the Dee dees.

403
00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:20,741
Cool, cool. So, Mona,
what color are his eyes?

404
00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:22,482
Um, they're... i don't know.

405
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:25,043
Probably some color that
won't offend the voters.

406
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,351
Vanilla. Ha ha ha!

407
00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:29,267
Anyway, what
difference does it make?

408
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:31,142
He only has eyes for Mona.

409
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:32,964
Well, Camille's eyes are brown,

410
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,662
with 2 flecks of green in
the left and one in the right.

411
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,190
And you know how I know that?

412
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:39,363
It's because I'm
really into her.

413
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:42,099
Maybe you need to look closer
at why you're really into Ron.

414
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:44,632
Maybe you need to look closer

415
00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:46,755
at who is providing
you with that liquor!

416
00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:48,458
Oh!

417
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,070
Hello!

418
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:58,434
[Sighs] Give me what
you got. I can take it.

419
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:01,172
I've decided to
exercise restraint.

420
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:02,694
That's very noble of you.

421
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,647
But that's enough
exercise for today.

422
00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:06,555
So, how does it feel, big girl,

423
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:09,220
the agony of defeat, or
should I say De big feet?

424
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,695
And so it begins.

425
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:15,747
What is that sweet taste in
my mouth? Oh! It's victory!

426
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:18,973
Can I borrow one of your shoes?
I want to learn how to kayak.

427
00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:22,414
I'm on a roll! Come on,
girl. Give me both of them.

428
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,102
I gonna build me a catamaran.

429
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:26,758
[Theme song]

430
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:28,414
[Knock on door]

431
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:31,460
Hey.

432
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,105
Hello.

433
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:34,649
You'll be happy to
know I'm not going out

434
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,548
with Ron anymore.
For real this time.

435
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,940
You didn't have to do that.

436
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:41,470
That's what my mom said.
In fact, she's downstairs

437
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,465
making more Ron
brown campaign buttons.

438
00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:45,597
She hasn't let go of the dream.

439
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:48,475
Well, my mother's upset

440
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:51,092
she won't be
redecorating the oval office.

441
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:54,263
She thinks the big seal
on the carpet is just tacky.

442
00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:57,086
Our mothers are a trip.

443
00:18:57,179 --> 00:19:00,699
Yeah. And we can't
forget that their relationship

444
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:03,011
is their relationship
and not ours.

445
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,928
We got swept up
in their competition.

446
00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:07,233
Not me. I just
wanted to beat you.

447
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:11,154
Oh, the ugly side of sisterhood.

448
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:15,150
Well, what can I say?
I liked getting the guy.

449
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,851
You know, for a moment,
I felt like a Dee Dee.

450
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,380
Being a Mona is great, too.

451
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:24,034
I mean, you get to have
a Dee Dee for a sister.

452
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:28,599
And I'm sorry I dated
Ron behind your back.

453
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,599
You know, he wasn't
even a good kisser?

454
00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:32,391
Too conservative
with his tongue,

455
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,035
too liberal with his hands.

456
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:37,259
And the life of a campaign
girlfriend could get old.

457
00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:40,610
I mean, how many fundraising
cocktail parties can one go to?

458
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:42,271
You went to cocktail parties?

459
00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:44,835
He had me passing
out fliers in Chinatown.

460
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,362
[Whistling]

461
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:52,536
[Theme song]

462
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:56,456
So, um, I was wondering,
not that it matters,

463
00:19:56,543 --> 00:20:00,243
but did Ron ever say why
he picked you over me?

464
00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:03,199
Was it because you're sturdy
and can carry more boxes?

465
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,725
No.

466
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:09,904
Was he a breast man? He
liked big, oversized breasts, right?

467
00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:13,122
It's killing you, isn't it?

468
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,302
No, no. Not at all.

469
00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:18,607
You know, it does
feel good to be a Mona.

470
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:21,175
Big cha-chas and all.

471
00:20:26,181 --> 00:20:28,231
[Theme song]

472
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:31,754
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473
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,929
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474
00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:36,535
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475
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:39,846
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476
00:20:39,896 --> 00:20:44,446
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